The Journey of Brokenness

As usual, I haven't written in forever. 

This semester has been the hardest spiritually for me. God has been breaking and remaking me. I've been fighting it, but sometimes, from what I've learned recently, we need to hit rock bottom before we realize just how far down our failures and demons have brought us. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is what saves us from ourselves. 

Just a few days ago, I had another almost rock bottom episode, that shot me out of my depression and placed a resolve in my heart to fight against the demons inside. To fight for my life and to fight for success with God's help. 

For years I've lived my life on an "I can't" mind set. I'd want to do something successful, but would always convince myself that in the end I just couldn't do it. It didn't matter what it was, whether a request or challenge from myself or others or from something God had laid on my heart, if my heart wasn't in it, I'd use a multitude of excuses that all ended in "can'ts. " It could be anything from using my health issues or my not as smart as others response or even not physically capable. Excuses. All of these were just excuses! Pointless and meaningless in the end. All pointing to my selfish and uncaring attitude to everyone and everything in the world. People didn't matter. The only thing that truly mattered was myself. 

I was stuck. Paralyzed. I could see how I was acting, what I was doing, and how far off I was wondering from the path, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't move from my current direction. I was paralyzed. Much like NF's song Paralyzed:

"Paralyzed"

When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else

I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me - inside
I'm paralyzed

When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed? (Ooh)
Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith

I'm paralyzed
I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die
And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago
But it's still alive
And it's taking over me - where am I?
I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside
But I feel nothing, I wonder why
And on the race of life time passes by
Look
I sit back and I watch it, hands in my pockets
Waves come crashing over me but I just watch 'em
I just watch 'em
I'm under water but I feel like I'm on top of it
I'm at the bottom and I don't know what the problem is
I'm in a box
But I'm the one who locked me in
Suffocating and I'm running out of oxygen

I'm paralyzed 
Where are my feelings? 
I no longer feel things 
I know I should 
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me? 
I'm lost and it kills me - inside

I'm paralyzed

I had again fallen into my very selfish ways and was allowing the things of the flesh to dictate my wants and my attitude. I cannot describe to you the unfathomable self-loathing and hatred piercing through me when I ended up on my knees, my heart wrenching, crying out to the Lord to save me from myself. It wasn't one of my typical responses as I've had before. I finally saw just how low I have fallen, and how unchristianly I have been behaving to everyone! And for the first time in my life, after encouragement from God and three wonderful women in my life, I finally felt confident that God will get me through this time in my life. He will be there to pull me out of myself and rescue me from my demons. I confidently felt the urge to fight this battle and be able to win it with the Lord standing at my side. 

So, even though I hate hitting rock bottom, I love knowing I have God at my side to pick me off the floor and mold me more into the person I know He wants me to be. The road is still long. I know I will continue to struggle and fight against my sins, the darkness within me, but I can walk through this valley with confidence in knowing the Lord is rescuing, renewing, and molding me into the real me. 

What is becoming one of my favorite scriptures is Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; 
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 
a time to kill, and a time to heal; 
a time to break down, and a time to build up; 
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 
a time to seek, and a time to lose; 
a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 
a time to tear, and a time to sew; 
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 
a time to love, and a time to hate; 
a time for war, and a time for peace."

I have been broken down and built up, 
I have wept and laughed, 
mourned and danced, 
embraced and rejected, 
caught and lost sight of, 
kept and cast away, 
stayed silent for too long and spoken too hurtfully, 
I have loved and hated, 

But now it's time for war. It's time to fight. There is no peace till the battle is won!

This is my battle cry against the demons in my life, the sins I won't let go, the selfish way I've behaved, the inconsiderate way I've acted, and more. I'm ready to release the fear and distrust. I'm ready to trust with everything in me, giving my all to Him - the protector and creator of my life. 

God is breaking and remaking me again and again. 

And sometime, hopefully soon, a beauty shining of Christ light will arise from the ashes of my brokenness. 

Waiting for the Lord's Timing

Last night I was talking with my cousin, who is like a twin sister to me; we were discussing how often we get impatient on the Lord's timing. I often find myself wanting things down right now. No waiting, no growing, no patience. I want something done right away because I think it is best for me. Instead God steps in and says, "No, my child, you must wait for my timing because my timing is perfect." 

I shared a paraphrased verse from Habakkuk 2:3 with my cousin, "Faith in God includes Faith in His timing."

and another longer quote from Heather Lindsey:

"Are you patient with God? Meaning that if you've run into a problem or you aren't sure about something.. do you immediately try to solve the problem or do you stop and ask HIM what to do? I've learned that God will show you what to do BUT you have to LET HIM. You have to stop trying to take life into your hands while getting pressured by society to "make a decision" when you don't know what to do! be OK with telling people, "I don't know yet because God hasn't showed me what to do but when HE does show me, I will be sure to let you know. Until then, I may look foolish but I'm going to SIT here & trust Him. And you better believe my God always comes through." The end. 

Do you wait for the Lord's timing or do you dive head first into doing what you think is best? Does it turn out the way you want it to? Or does it often go array because it wasn't the right timing and impatience got in the way of God's plan? 

Do not forget that the Lord has a plan for you always even when it feels like He has turned aside from you. He is with you always and His plan for your life is perfect, incredible, beautiful, and everlasting. Do not lose faith in the One who will never desert you. You are loved. You are wanted. You are Beautiful. Live life to the fullest of what God has given you. Enjoy Life. Enjoy the simple things in life. And above all else cherish your life for it is a precious gift from God. 

Blessings,

J.C.Hart

Life. Learning New Things. Vulnerable.

I haven't written in forever because I've allowed life to keep me from doing what I love most - Writing. I'm learning that no matter how busy life is, I still need to try to write. 

I finished writing and editing my book this summer. With a few more read throughs, I'm hoping to send my book into an ebook company and printing company here in town!! I'm very excited to see my book finished and published soon! Finally finished after two years! :) 




I've been sitting here and staring at this blog post for two hours now and I have yet to find the words to describe what's been going on in my life. I'm just going to say I'm learning that all the years I've spent stuffing my emotions and covering up how I really feel have finally come back to bite me in the butt. God has been using close friends to teach me how to open up and become more vulnerable. It's been life altering and very eye opening to see how much junk I've stuffed down instead of released at the time emotions and situations occurred. Life is very bumpy right now, my moods swing from happy to depressed within hours - depressed the stronger emotion as of late. But God is teaching me to let go of the stress, the anger, the worry, the anxiety, the sadness, the loneliness, the craziness of life and let HIM take over. 

There is so much more going on than just those few words, but that's all I can put into words right now. It's taking a long time to rip my walls down and show the real me. The me that can't continue to fake being fine. The real me that is broken, ripped, falling apart. The real me that is trying to let go and let God come and pick up the pieces and put me back together.  

I don't have words of encouragement other than what others have offered me, but perhaps someone will find encouragement. Someone will know they are not alone. Because you aren't. There is always someone else going through the same thing you are, and God is always by our side. 

"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long."

"Your skin isn't paper

don't cut it

Your face isn't a mask

don't cover it

Your size isn't a book

don't judge it

Your life isn't it a film

don't end it

You are BEAUTIFUL"

HAVE COURAGE

For God has not given us a 

spirit of fear, but of power

and of love and of a 

sound mind."

2 Tim. 1:7

"JESUS

be brave enough to surrender to HIM."

"HOPE

is the one 

Thing

STRONGER

than

FEAR."

LET GOD

"Pray Persistently

So many times, when we reach the end of our rope, we turn to prayer, but when our prayers are not instantly answered, we give up. Today, I want to encourage you to not only pray, but to pray persistently. Don't stress out trying to make things happen on your own. Give it all to God as you pray."

"Upon the palms of my hands I have written your name."

Isaiah 49:16

Background

Playing the Background instead of Center stage.

This is what I'm beginning to see as I edit my story. It's not about me; it never really was when I began writing, but I lost focus sometime during the writing process.
I'm going back to the beginning.
I want to play the Background.
I don't want the focus to be on me; I want the focus to be on the message beyond the story. I want to write for the world to hear the Word of the Lord. Not for the world to hear and know about me.
I don't matter, but these stories God has given me to write, matter.
It's so hard to let go of the control and to give it all to the Lord. But God has been teaching me lately what it means to really give everything to Him. To become vulnerable to others around me, to no longer control what I write, what I want with my life, or my future plans. I've been denying for a year or more about things occurring in my life or how events affect me. No more. I'm done. Finished. Tetelestai.
Here's to giving control of my life over to the Lord.
Here's to New Beginnings.

Background by Lecrae​

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 1:]
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't pure if I don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word, to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 2:]
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Bridge:]
I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead.

Lions and Butterflies

Lions.

What do lions mean to you? What is significant about them? Why are they so majestic? 

Look at the picture below. Study it. How does it make you feel?

Lions are a significant part of an encouraging note for me. Ever since I fell in love with the series, The Chronicles of Narnia, written by C.S. Lewis, I have grown to love lions to the point they are now my favorite animal. I see them as a strong force against the onslaught of harsh reality and the turmoil of life. They signify the ability to step up, raise their head proud, and stand firm against the tidal wave   of fear, sadness, anxiety, depression, brokenness, overwhelm, and more.

If I could, I would paint a huge lions head on the wall of my bedroom, a huge symbol to live every day in courage, strength, and standing firm in what I believe and strong against the forces seeking to pull me down from success.

Lions = Courage and Strength

Butterflies.

What do they mean to you? Do they signify anything special? What do you think of when you see a butterfly?

Butterflies are also another significant, meaningful, and special animal for me. Since the loss of my first nephew, almost seven years ago, butterflies became a real part of life for me.

Butterflies, because of their singularly majestic but fragile bodies and wings, remind me of the fragile beauty of LIFE. Yes, life. Life is precious. It is a gift that we so often throw away because we cannot see the full picture. We often become caught in the snares of trying to live for success, trying to know and understand the universe, seeking to fully rise to our heights potential without any help, wanting to have everything when we already have enough and so much more.

We take advantage of what the Lord has provided us with. We think life is expendable. Something we can do away with in a blink of an eye, without any thought, discarding it in the trash like it's no big deal. When actually, life is so much more precious. It's a treasure, a gift, the most prized possession we could ever have.

Life, like a butterfly is fragile, majestic, gorgeous, something to cradle in your hands in awe instead of squashing it under your foot. Your life is too important to let it go. Hold onto it tightly, with every ounce of strength you have. Don't throw it away just because you don't think your life is worth living. You are so precious. You are loved. Your LIFE is important! Your LIFE is a GIFT.

Butterflies = Life. Fragile, majestic LIFE.

Motivational/Encouraging Song Lyrics

I've been so busy lately during the week. I don't have time to write, edit, or work on other book ideas, because I'm so exhausted after getting home from work, working out, eating, dinner, etc. My respect for working moms has definitely risen this year. I don't know how they do everything and spend time with their children at night. ....

Anyway... as I sit in my new chair I received for my upcoming Birthday thinking about my book, editing, agents, what I will do if I don't get a response, etc., etc., etc. and a song I was playing earlier came to my mind. Something that was said in the song, "Compare where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere."

I spend so much time worrying and stressing about my stories, my books, what's going to be my next steps, what is life going to bring me, wishing I was already done editing my book and had it published, wishing I was already working on my next novel or series.

But this song by Sara Bariellas called Uncharted really hit the nail on the head for me tonight. The song gave me the encouragement I need to keep pushing on even when the path is uncharted and scary at first glance, terrifying to trek through, but such a huge accomplishment after it's all said and done. I can't wait for that feeling of satisfaction and success.

Here's the song for encouragement for anyone else struggling to see the light at the end of the long tunnel.

"Uncharted"   http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarabareilles/uncharted.html

No words, My tears won't make any room for more,
And it don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before,
this is no broken heart,
No familiar scars,
This territory goes uncharted...

Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town, and I
Don't breathe, no I never meant to let it get away from me
Now, I've too much to hold, everybody has to get their hands on gold,
And I want uncharted.
Stuck under the ceiling I made, I can't help but feeling...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

La la la-a-a-a.
Oh-h-h.

Each day, countin' up the minutes, till I get alone, 'cause I can't stay
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault, but I'm
So low, never knew how much I didn't know,
Oh, everything is uncharted.
I know I'm getting nowhere, when I only sit and stare like...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted.

Jump start my kaleidoscope heart,
Love to watch the colors fade,
They may not make sense,
But they sure as hell made me.

I won't go as a passenger, no
Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down,
I'm taking flame over burning out

Compare where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started.
Oh-h
I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new." Socrates

"All our dreams come true, if we have the COURAGE to pursue them." Walt Disney

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go." Joshua 1:9

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face...." Eleanor Roosevelt

"You are CAPABLE of more than you know." Unknown

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

"Being courageous doesn't mean that you aren't afraid. Being courageous means that you have the inner strength to embrace being afraid and still move forward." Unknown

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." John Wayne

"It's okay to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Unknown

"You can never cross the Ocean unless you have the Courage to lose sight of the shore."

"But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength." 2 Timothy 4:17

I leave you all now with the words from C.S. Lewis: Courage, dear hearts

J.C. Hart

Waiting... Sometimes Patience is Hard Work

I contacted an agent a little over a month ago, and have been sitting, waiting for a reply back. For a few weeks after sending out the proposal, I found I couldn't even look back at my book. I didn't write at all and then tried working on my next novel, but found I kept hitting roadblocks, so I put it aside and started back up on my book series. The very first book series which came to me as a senior in College, but not even that appeased my anxiety. With the encouragement of family, I was able to get back to editing my novel for the fourth time since I've completed it. But it's all just a cover for how anxious and worried I am about not hearing back from the agent yet.

I know what everyone says about agents, how they are hard to find, especially now. Some people have to search for months and years on end before an agent will pick them up. Fear and anxiety of not hearing back constantly plagues me. Did they not like what I wrote? Was it not good enough? Was it not something they are looking for? Is there something I could do to change it just enough to get them to like it? Of course with that question comes my side of no, I wrote what I wrote. I am NOT changing it. Maybe some slight changes here and there, but I refuse to majorly change the story. But no matter what, the questions over not receiving a response yet still bothers me. I want to hear back. I want to know what they think, even if it is a "no." I'm getting tired of the suspense.

A verse that constantly plays in my mind, again and again as a form of encouragement and a push to keep going, trusting, and relying on God.

Psalm 27: 14 - "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord."
Psalm 37: 7 - "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...."
Psalm 46: 1 - "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
Isaiah 41: 10 - "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 40: 30-31 - "Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

If you are writing or not writing, going through trials or struggling, perhaps the verses will give you courage to keep pushing on, trudging through the thick mud trying to stop you from plodding on.

Many Blessings,

J.C. Hart

The Power of Bravery

I wrote the following piece last July on my old website, but wanted to re-share it.

I’m sitting or rather standing at my desk, editing my novel and the song “Brave” by Sara Bareilles comes on my Pandora station. I am writing a section in my story where my two characters have to learn to be brave, courageous, encouragers for each other, and display strength even when they want to run and hide. 

Bravery is such a powerful characteristic to have. To have the strength to step out of the fear holding you back and to step forward. Knowing how dangerous stepping out can be, but accepting the challenge. It makes you realize that sometimes the first step is often the breaking point for others. That one act of bravery can open the gate to allow others to step out and accept the challenges set before them. 

I struggle often with being fearful. Fearful of the future, of people not liking my book, of not finding editor and publisher, of not having enough money to get by, of having to pay an exorbitant amount of money on medical insurance, of always being single, of always feeling like I’m stuck in a rut while I watch everyone around me grow up, Marry, have kids, and move on with their life. 

The more I hold tight to my fears, the harder it is to grasp the concept that everything will work out. My fear has become my crippler, holding me back from moving forward. 

Bravery. It’s that step out of what you are used to, even if what you are used to is holding desperately to the fear of life. 

Bravery to not fear the unknown, to no longer allow the chains of fear and doubt to hold you down.

Bravery- to have the FAITH to cross the line of timidity and enter the path of courageous. Seeking God’s voice over the voice of my fear. Listening to God's direction instead of the doubts I hold within. The ability to release the fear and doubts, running straight toward unfettered freedom of the unknown. The strength to fight off the pain of the past and to look ever forward toward the path God has set before me. 

Bravery. 

Are you brave enough to destroy the chains holding you down? 
Am I brave enough to shut off my fear and doubt and step out, accepting the challenge God has set before me? 

"There are far far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
“Those who move forward with a happy Spirit will find that things always work out.”
“If you could see your situation through God’s eyes, you wouldn’t be worried.” 

"Let your FAITH be BIGGER than you Fear."

Bravery, Dear hearts, the courage to be brave.

Encouraging Quote to Newbie Writers

I can't tell you how many times a week I freak out over being a writer. Writing is something I DEFINITELY want to do and can see myself doing for the rest of my life, but then I get discouraged. Do I have the skills to be a good writer? Will I be able to publish with an agent and publisher or will I have to end up self-publishing? Will people like my book? What if family and close friends hate my book, can I handle that? I can see myself published, but will that actually come true or not? 

“I remember everyone telling me I had to think positive when I was writing my first book. If I believed I could do it, then I could! If I pictured myself published, then it was going to happen! Which sounded great, except…could I do it? If I didn’t think I could, was I doomed to fail? What if I was almost totally sure I would fail? I am here to tell you—what matters is sticking with it.”

—	Holly Black (via writingquotes)

Faith

I found this insightful little blog from my old tumblr account. Hope it gives you a little burst of encouragement just like it gave me. 

As I’m reading a new devotional book this morning, I came across these words which truly hit home, like a smack in the face to wake up to reality instead of dancing along in my own little world. 

From the book Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore:

"The Giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives. He is Our LIFE." 

"Why does God allow us to spend so much of life in the heat of battle? Because He never meant for us to sip His Spirit like a proper cup of tea. He meant for us to hold our sweating heads over the fountain and lap up His life with unquenchable thirst."

Faith- holding strong to a belief and never once taking a step off from the path set before us. 

Leap of Faith- accepting the ability of not seeing what is to come, but still stepping out and walking the path instead of turning tail and running away.

Barren

The premise beyond my next novel....

Sometimes we all have to hit rock bottom before we can see the destruction of our sins.

They are monsters. The question is can we battle these monstrous sins alone like we think we can or will we finally realize we need a hand from God?

We are all chained by sin but all given the chance to break the chains of bondage with the help of our Great Savior. Do we have the forgiveness for ourselves and the self-discipline to rise above the darkness constantly seeking to drag us down? Do we have the ability to move past some of our more hated sins? Will we want to give up some sins or cling to them because it's a safety zone? Is it easier or harder to conquer a sin? But once conquered do we see how treacherous the sin truly was and praise the Lord for rescuing us from further destruction?

How long does it take us to truly see the deadliness of our wickedness?

Blessings

We have a phrase in my family for when times get hard, “when it rains, it pours.” Generally we say this when something big has gone wrong and more things continue to go wrong after that one major event.

You may be wondering why I’m telling you this, but it’s because we are going through such a time right now.

When we first moved into our new house late last year, it felt like we constantly were fixing something wrong. Other things have developed since then, complicating life and so the phrase, “when it rains, it pours” has constantly been quoted for the past several months.

Well, lately I've been to realize that life is always going to knock us down, we just have to learn to fight back, to pick ourselves right back up off the floor and dust ourselves off. God did not give us the trials we have so that we complain about them all the time. God gives us trials so we live how to rely on Him and praise Him no matter how rough life is. So, I've come to the decision, that complaining about all the problems and things going wrong, needs to stop. Complaining isn’t getting me anywhere and most certainly not helping anyone.

So here is to the blessings I have right now:

I have a place to live
I have a house
A roof over my head
I have a bed
I have many things to help me survive and do my job
We have a swimming pool
We have really nice neighbors
Even when there are tears, there is laughter
Even when we are angry we find away to become happy
I have a fixed car and money to pay for it
I have a job and wonderful people I work with
I have a wonderful relationship with my sister
My cousin and I are so close, it is like we are sisters
I have many friends who support me and love me
I have learned how to laugh even during the hard times
Even with as little money that I have, I still am able to find a way to have fun
I have a wonderful supportive family both near and far
My brother talks to me
My sister in law loves me
My brother in law considers me to be a little sister
My niece and nephews are the most precious and adorable children in the world (totally not being bias! 😉)
I am healthy, as healthy as can be expected
I am not sick in a hospital or dying of cancer
I have the ability to write
I have a God who gave me that ability and the stories to share with others
I have a direction my life is going, even though I don’t see too far ahead
I have Faith
I am Forgiven
I am Loved
I am cherished
I am God’s daughter
I am Saved
I have the ability to shine in the world around me
I have been graced with saving grace by the one who has Saved me
I am His

"The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it." John 1:5

So here is to learning how to not complain. Here is to excepting the situation and job I have and being grateful for it. Here is to being positive in my thinking and not negative. Here is to changing my way of thinking and looking at life. Here is to change. To excepting where I am in life. To living more positively. To living joyfully!

I. AM. BLESSED.